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By Madison Avenue TMS & Psychiatry - May 14, 2025
Anyone who’s ever struggled with depression knows how lonely and isolating it can be — how it sometimes feels like everyone else is getting along just fine, able to socialize, laugh, and live their lives while you struggle to get out of bed and muster enthusiasm for the day ahead.
Supporting someone who’s struggling with their mental health is critically important, if only to let them know you care about them and empathize. But it’s also hard to know exactly what to say to someone who is clinically depressed — and of course, you never want to say the wrong thing that could make them feel worse, or as if you don’t understand what they’re going through.
Showing up and demonstrating empathy is a powerful first step for someone who is struggling to stay above water mentally. In this post, we’ll discuss some tips for how to best support someone who is wrestling with mental health challenges.
Signs of Depression
People don’t always realize they’re depressed, and even if they do, they may try to keep it hidden. So it’s helpful to know how to recognize the signs.
- Behavior changes: People struggling with depression often withdraw from social activities, hobbies or things they used to consider fun. This may be accompanied by an increase in drug or alcohol use.
- Emotional changes: They may express hopelessness or have a negative self-image, or lack motivation. They may also seem withdrawn mentally, more sad or anxious than usual, or even irritable or frustrated.
- Sleep patterns: Depression may interfere with a person’s ability to fall asleep, or it may manifest by sleeping too much. Either way, depressed people are often tired and lack energy.
- Changes in appetite: Depressed people may eat more or less than usual, with resulting weight gain or loss.
- Cognitive changes: They may have trouble concentrating or making decisions. In extreme cases, they may entertain thoughts of suicide or otherwise harming themselves — a major red flag that should signal a need for intervention.
How to Help
If you suspect or know that a friend or family member is struggling mentally, it’s important to be sensitive and act with compassion. You’re not there to fix their depression or give them advice, merely to let them know you’re there for them, want to know how they’re feeling, and care about their well-being.
Starting the Conversation
To get your friend or family member to confide in you, take advantage of the time when you’re alone with them. Avoid doing so at social gatherings when others are around and within earshot, which may make them reluctant to speak candidly.
Use open-ended language. For example, tell them, “I’ve noticed you seem down lately. How are you doing?” Be an active listener, and give them positive reinforcement. But be patient and don’t be surprised if they are reluctant to open up. Let them know you are there for them anytime to lend a non-judgmental ear.
Listen Without Trying to Fix
Know that your mere presence and demonstrating an interest in their mental health hold value for your friend or family member. Aim to listen more than speak, and avoid saying anything that could be construed as being dismissive, or pretending to offer a tidy solution.
Acknowledge their feelings, and let them know how much they mean to you and others who love them.
Ask if there is anything you can do to help, including by handling tasks they may be struggling to carry out on their own, such as shopping for groceries or completing a minor home repair. And continue to encourage your friend to join you for outings, such as concerts, movies, or dinners at a restaurant, that might help them feel less isolated and give them at least a temporary mood lift.
If you’ve ever experienced mental health challenges of your own, now would be a good time to share your story: If nothing else, it can help your friend understand that they’re not alone and there may be a way out. But don’t talk about how you handled it unless they ask. Understand that what worked for you worked for you alone and is not necessarily a cure-all for everyone.
Encourage Professional Help
The good news is that there is a much broader acceptance that depression is caused by genetics or disordered brain chemistry, and not by supposed moral or personality failings, than in the past. Thanks in part to high-profile examples like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Lady Gaga, who have acknowledged struggling with depression, people generally feel more free to discuss their mental health challenges than at any other time.
There is also help available, and one of the best ways to help a friend who is struggling is to encourage them to speak with a doctor, therapist, or counselor. Starting with a primary care physician, who usually asks about mental health as part of routine annual checkups, is a great idea; they can often refer your friend to practicing therapists. The National Association on Mental Illness is also a good place to look for resources and operates phone hotlines.
If things are urgent and your friend is expressing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, you should consider emergency resources, including dialing 988, the 24-hour suicide hotline, or calling any local crisis help lines that may be available in your area. If you fear your friend is in immediate danger, the local hospital ER can help ensure his or her immediate safety and offer specialized resources to help.
Friends, spouses, and family members can serve as an important resource to people who are struggling with depression. Remaining visible through regular check-ins and demonstrating compassion are the best ways to show support.
Get Help From Madison Avenue TMS & Psychiatry
If you reside in or around New York City, get in touch with us at Madison Avenue TMS & Psychiatry. Our team offers care for a wide variety of mental health conditions, including therapy, medication management, Spravato, and transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), an FDA-approved treatment for depression that has shown considerable success in alleviating symptoms.
Contact us to learn more about our compassionate care and innovative TMS therapy services.
(212) 731-2033